This translation was lacking the time mentioned in the Japanese sentence. Is there anything else missing?
No, it looks good to me.
May I please suggest that you also spell out the number?
E.g., "5 [five] o'clock".
NO, please don't do that. It ceases to be a natural English sentence, and diminishes the usefulness of the sentence pair.
Similarly I removed the "(ご)" from the Japanese. If a reader
doesn't know that 5 in Japanese is 五/ご, adding readings embedded in the sentences is not the way to teach them.
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We cannot determine yet whether this sentence was initially derived from translation or not.
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