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Sentence #787624

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Comments

 MUIRIEL MUIRIEL March 11, 2011 March 11, 2011 at 9:18:33 PM UTC flag Report link Permalink

je pourrais avoir d'autres avis si cette phrase est compréhensible (et naturelle)?
Je ne veux pas encore expliquer ce que je voulais dire pour éviter que qn comprenne la phrase grâce à mon explication qui ne l'aurait pas comprise sans l'explication...

sacredceltic sacredceltic March 11, 2011 March 11, 2011 at 9:23:45 PM UTC flag Report link Permalink

je dirais qu'elle n'est pas immédiatement compréhensible et pas très élégante.
Il serait préférable d'introduire une conjonction supplémentaire, qui mettrai un peu plus de clarté, et je remplacerai "femme" par "gonzesse" ou "nana" si tu adaptes peut-être l'allemand...:

il leva et le masque et une gonzesse.
il leva le masque tout en levant une nana.

tu connais l'expression "bas les masques" ? on pourrait peut-être faire un truc avec les bas d'une gonzesse...

MUIRIEL MUIRIEL March 11, 2011 March 11, 2011 at 9:36:42 PM UTC flag Report link Permalink

ok, merci. j'ai choisi la première proposition comme c'est le plus près de mon idée initiale.

Sinon pour le "bas les masques", c'est simplement l'ordre de lever le masque, non? Je vais bien traduire la phrase que tu crées avec les bas

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License: CC BY 2.0 FR

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This sentence is original and was not derived from translation.

Il leva la masque et une femme.

added by MUIRIEL, March 10, 2011
➜ #787626Er ließ die Maske fallen und riss eine Frau auf.

linked by MUIRIEL, March 10, 2011
Il leva le masque et une femme.

edited by MUIRIEL, March 10, 2011
Il leva et le masque et une femme.

edited by MUIRIEL, March 11, 2011
Il leva et le masque et une gonzesse.

edited by MUIRIEL, March 11, 2011